Saturday, September 10, 2005

Island Hopping: from Manhattan to Staten

Over the past year and a half I've felt an urgent need to travel internationally. My desire has been to feel the ultimate culture shock... To be dropped into an environment that is so alien that not even a Starbucks or McDonalds can be reached without at least a two-day trek.

My passion to get the hell out of Dodge started by reading Rolf Potts' inspiring book "Vagabonding: the art of long term world travel" (www.rolfpotts.com).

In the meantime, I attended the New York Times Travel show; became friends with some key people within the travel industry (even becoming Rolf Potts personal New York City tour guide while he was here for a few days); and (bizarrely) packed my cutting-edge Swiss Army backpack with full vagabonding gear, just in case a chunk of money and an international plane ticket fell out of the sky and landed at my feet. I spent so much money on travel books and travel accessories that not only did my bedroom start to look like the travel section of Barnes & Noble, but if I had spent the money on travel that I had spent on those books, I could have already taken two trips.

After a while my friends could only reply to my travel talk with "Just go on a damn trip already!" I don't blame them.

But does that mean I can't have an adventure? Hell no!

The job I recently left was at the top nightclub in the country in their marketing and events section, so I've been able to meet some interesting characters and always have the opportunity and invitation to hang out with celebs, freaks, posers, wannabes and countless wafer thin model types.

So yesterday I got the following invitation:

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Tonight, Thursday, September 8th, please join me for a very special celebration in honor of my friend's new endeavor:

Join guests Kylie Minogue & Friends
to celebrate the groundbreaking of our newest production facility
and our 2006 feature film roster.
You are cordially invited to
CINEMA XXXXX
Film Studios
Launch Party
Thursday, September XXth
7:30pm - dawn
Fine cuisine, cocktails, special performances, dancing 'til dawn, & magical fireworks
XXXX XXXXXXXXX Estates, New York
Meet at Underbar at the W Union Square for cocktails
before boarding Special luxury party coaches that will be departing between 6:30 and 8pm.
A special 9pm party coach will be available for those who can not make the dinner and fireworks.

CONTACT XXXXXXX XXXXX: XXX.XXX.XXXX
This invitation is good for you and ONE guest and is non transferable.
RSVP is mandatory and is based on a security approval process.

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Well that sounds kind of fabulous. Food, drink and Kylie at an estate on Staten Island. Totally free and so in my budget. I was probably the first one to immediately call and RSVP.

After making sure there were no hidden fees, I made the reservation and ran home to change into something appropriately trendy. While in route to New Jersey I called my stunning best-friend-forever Natalie Hill, who had just landed back in New York from a year on the Road with the national tour of Hairspray and I was sure that a party like this would be right up her alley.

When we reached the W Hotel we got a peek at the party busses that were waiting outside for us. The drivers were making sure that our iceboxes were packed with champagne and they were diligently testing the stobe lights, disco lights, laser lights, 40' plasma screen TVs and fog machines to make sure that our ride would be a trip we would not soon forget, even if we wanted to.

After some minor drama with the passenger lists, one of the event staff pointed me towards a bus and I grabbed Natalie's hand and ran for it. That perky little invitation had done the trick. Everyone that recieved it knew in an instant that this was going to be an interesting affair. They had completely overbooked and cars full of stunning people were showing up to catch the bus to Guido heaven. But we were on a bus and that's all that matters here. As long as I had a bar to sit on and a half-full plastic cup of champagne, I was good to go.

But the people weren't talking.. and I couldn't have that. So I announced "THIS IS MY STUNNING FRIEND NATALIE HILL WHO JUST GOT BACK INTO TOWN FROM TOURING IN HAIRSPRAY." This party had to get jump-started and the ice had to be broken. After feigning embarrassment, Natalie settled into a conversation with a German girl that I had mistaken for both Kylie and Oksana Bayule and I was busy talking to the rest of the bus.

When we arrive at the "estate" we go through another checkpoint and started walking through the yard or what Natalie referred to as "the compound." It was a compound of sorts.. a very tacky compound. While you could tell that this was obviously the home of a multi-millionaire, it was also evident that they had no taste. The mansion with a façade of exposed boulders would have looked nice if it hadn't been lit with up-lighting the shades of all of the primary colors. My gay designing gene said OUCH, but the assault to my gay senses had only just begun.

Walking through the front door, guests were greeted by two sweeping curved staircases that descended from the right and left. If it wasn't for the mixture of faux-weathered stucco walls, a three-dimensional barbarian warrior with flowing hair and raised sword bursting out of the staircase on one side and a stunning Raquel Welch looking cave-girl bursting out of the other, topped off with two enormous ultra green, jade jaguars on shelves overlooking the room.. it might have been nice. Even the straight males, perfect candidates for Queer Eye makeovers, were gagging in disbelief. But wait.. there's more!

After making it through that visual assault physically unharmed, a second wave of noxious design atrocities hit us. This informal greeting area had a fireplace with a mantle that looked like it had just come from Disney World. It was supposed to be twisted wood, but what it really looked like was a wig full of curls that had been magnified 1000 times. But the real treat (the one that made us stop and pause as if we'd just seen a horrifying accident) was on the opposite wall. It looked like a high school art class had come through and painted the face of every classic movie mafia gangster in a touching tribute wall of stars.

Yes folks, tonight we were a guest of the "family." After realizing that viewing the rest of the house would probably burn the retinas out of our eyes, we high-tailed it to the backyard for the food, booze, dancing and Kylie hunting. Hopes of actually spotting Kylie, however, became null when Natalie and a growing group of her new girlfriends reminded me that the poor lady was still going through chemo and probably wasn't up for making appearances. But we had plenty to eat and drink.. and people watching, forget it. There were so many "family" members in the crowd that it was slightly intimidating. Just as Natalie was stating to her new gal pals that this couldn't get any more gangster if Victoria Gotti was there, she actually spotted her. Thinner than you could imagine and with hair way below her ass, she was on the lawn chatting. Too proper to ruin the reality stars' night with a request for a photo, Natalie tried to pull a fast one and moved to position her new friends in the camera's line of fire so that Ms. Gotti would end up in the background. But Vicky G. was on to her and immediately repositioned herself behind her group and out of the range of Natalie's Nikon.

Though the house left something to be desired, the backyard was exceptionally stunning. With a HUGE tent (literally the size of a small circus tent) set up for dining and dancing, a glowing pool with waterfalls cascading, a waterfront deck that stood 20 feet above the crashing waves, a gourmet pizza stand, two open bars, two lounge areas and an expansive lawn with tiki torches in just the right places, Natalie and I agreed that we made the right choice in coming. Young Natalie had never heard of 2 time Grammy-winner Chuck Mangione before, but that didn't stop her from recognizing some of his music as he played for over two hours in the tent. Then a barge about 100 yards off shore put on a private yet impressive fireworks display that lasted about 15 minutes.

So you get the idea. These people spent an insane amount of money on this party.. and then asked a bunch of promoters to invite a bevy of stunning people to share it with them. We were told several stories regarding the propose or reason for the party. The invitation claimed that this was the celebration for the launch of a new film studio that was being build on these grounds.. the word on the party bus back home was that this was a party to celebrate one of the kingpins return home from the slammer. Regardless, all I could thank of was that I wanted to thank these people for allowing me to indulge in their food, music and fun. I was in such a good mood that I was even ready to complement them for days on how stunning their house was. But I figured that these people might not want to be bothered with my praise so I asked the head events person to pass along the message.

We met so many fun people that night and as I was leaving I could only think of one thing. This would probably make a great first entry into my travel log. I never got on a plane.. but hell anyone can do that. I got on the foggy disco bus to spend a night dancing and drinking with a generous and gracious bunch of Mafioso ladies and gentlemen.

At the end of the night I told Natalie, "I can't wait to write this story."
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Tomorrow my company, City Hunt is producing a major scavenger hunt for IBM at the US Open. We'll be there for all of the final matches. Maybe Agassi will make it into my blog.

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