123 Reasons to LOVE New York

Taken from gawker.com: Gawkers 123 Reasons to Love New York Right Now
READ MORE: New York Magazine, lists, metro

Given the bitter weather and the spectacularly frustrating transit strike, this weeks New York provides a much needed warm fuzzy with its 123 Reasons to Love New York Right Now cover story. After all, we all sometimes need a reminder as to why we put up with the bullshit.Alas, as we read the piece and grew infected with the warm glow of lust for NYC, we realized that there was a lot missing from the listicle. Sure, we love Central Park and squirrels and fancy shoes, but those things dont really get to the heart of why we adore New York so totally and completely. In fact, we can think of 123 completely different reasons to love New York, all of which make a bit more sense to us. After the jump, Gawkers 123 Reasons to Love New York Right Now.

1. Because we scorn the fat.
2. Because we can drink until 4 AM.
3. Because we have our drugs delivered to our doors.
4. Because all we have to do is walk down the street in order to be propositioned for sex.
5. Because we get to push tourists if were late for work.
6. Because we only pretend to recycle.
7. Because Tompkins Square park is still friendly to junkies.
8. Because whether you make $50k or $200k, youre still middle class.
9. Because fuck is intrinsic to our local dialect.
10. Because theres a Starbucks on every block.
11. Because you can get anything you want on Craigslist.
12. Because Anderson Cooper.
13. Because our restaurants are so cramped, we can hear if our neighbor is being an asshole.
14. Because you can live in the same place for 10 years and never have to see or meet your neighbors
15. Because a pink paper like the New York Observer can survive.
16. Because assistants.
17. Because everyones Gay.
18. Because we can make someone like Blackface Jesus into a celebrity.
19. Because sometimes it smells like maple syrup.
20. Because theres always a secret room behind the VIP room.
21. Because we can get fake TiVo for $9.95/mo.
22. Because our tabloids are considered newspapers.
23. Because the transit strike keeps us from really working.
24. Because Jocelyn Wildenstein exists.
25. Because you can go to the East Village Baths and not get raped.
26. Because David Crosss imposters live here.
27. Because Brooklyn is for domesticating.
28. Because i-bankers and hipsters can peacefully coexist.
29. Because theres always a free drink available somewhere.
30. Because we know Sex and the City is a crock of shit.
31. Because we know Friends is a crock of shit.
32. Because it only takes $30 million to launch and burn a magazine.
33. Because we think Vitamin Water is a real beverage.
34. Because we never have to shovel snow (unless its coke).
35. Because we all know were actually better than Tinsley Mortimer.
36. Because road trip just means Ikea.
37. Because even Lenny Kravitzs toilet gets clogged.
38. Because smoking is encouraged.
39. Because we only have one mall, and its not any good anyhow.
40. Because people read.
41. Because we invented PNP.
42. Because words like Otto Tootsie Plohound make sense to us.
43. Because we eat McDonalds ironically.
44. Because ANYONE can lie to Page Six.
45. Because Jews.
46. Because you can take a dump at the Apple Store.
47. Because you can buy anything, even a stolen baby.
48. Because mani/pedis are affordable.
49. Because George Whipple.
50. Because our public opinion can turn on a dime.
51. Because real estate is a professional sport.
52. Because only black is the new black.
53. Because its acceptable to Shoot the Freak.
54. Because our pigeons have rabies.
55. Because Conde Nasties dont threaten our food supply.
56. Because anyone can get into Soho House and see that its nothing.
57. Because everyones got a blog.
58. Because Paris Hilton moved to Los Angeles.
59. Because Bloomberg has that adorable bald spot.
60. Because its easy to stalk famous people.
61. Because everyone you know has slept with one another.
62. Because Woody Allen is allowed.
63. Because Fresh Direct has every single products nutritional info on its website.
64. Because Peter Braunstein stabbed himself in the neck.
65. Because we have a looser definition of substance abuse.
66. Because everyone has a cat or a book deal.
67. Because you only need a Village Voice to get a chick with a dick.
68. Because anybody can be a DJ.
69. Because even if you can only play Wish You Were Here on the guitar, you can make a few bucks at a subway station.
70. Because Robin Byrd.
71. Because everybody knows the 1-800-Mattress song.
72. Because sometimes its just fun to give tourists wrong directions.
73. Because you can buy live jellyfish from a wooden box in Chinatown.
74. Because your parents love to come visit and pay for dinner.
75. Because your parents dont love to come visit.
76. Because you can walk down the street and fart and nobody will notice.
77. Because if you want a cat, you can walk into any deli and just steal one.
78. Because you can do your Sunday morning walk of shame undetected.
79. Because Teen Vogue is only $1.99.
80. Because fifth floor walk-up apartments are great for the glutes.
81. Because nobody uses condoms anymore.
82. Because Dr. Zizmor is a celebrity.
83. Because you can drop a penny in an empty water jug and make some dudes day.
84. Because everyone looks like shit in the morning.
85. Because theres such a thing as $300 sushi.
86. Because you can be a gay man and reasonably keep both a wife and a boyfriend.
87. Because bagels.
88. Because theres just enough Brits around to keep us speaking proper English.
89. Because we worship high fashion in collapsible tents.
90. Because vegetarians keep to themselves.
91. Because our knock-offs are often better than the real thing.
92. Because theres always someone naked in Times Square.
93. Because the New York Press is still trying.
94. Because your cab driver is probably more interesting than you are.
95. Because you can get mustard on everything.
96. Because its perfectly fine to answer your phone mid-sentence.
97. Because H&M: Our Gap is Eurotrash on purpose.
98. Because we dont stand in line, we stand on it.
99. Because we tolerate the New York Sun.
100. Because gift bags.
101. Because you can ride the Staten Island ferry all day at only the cost of your stomach.
102. Because summer really does make sense as a verb.
103. Because we know what new bar smell is, but not new car smell.
104. Because 666-6666 has nothing to do with Satan. Technically.
105. Because even your intern has an intern.
106. Because only old people have land lines.
107. Because parts of Central Park still smell like a poopy country farmyard.
108. Because you can make a career out of being Amanda Lepore.
109. Because everyone drinks at brunch.
110. Because our tap water wont kill you.
111. Because its easy to steal wifi.
112. Because as much as you hate it, Rockefeller Center is still kind of neat.
113. Because city kids have been there and done that before you even got here.
114. Because everyones painfully human, even the staff of the New York Times.
115. Because used clothes cost more than new ones.
116. Because wed rather be emaciated than healthy.
117. Because in one morning, you can look like a jackass in the background of four different morning shows.
118. Because its perfectly acceptable to give the finger to anyone at any time.
119. Because the smell is concentrated in Chinatown.
120. Because doing your own laundry is for rich suckers.
121. Because you can buy Vagisil at the bodega at 4 AM.
122. Because we keep Jersey at arms length.
123. Because we gave silly Adam Moss a job

Florida's First Case of BIRD FLU!!!

Ex-Powell Aide Criticizes Detainee Effort

LINK

Wilkerson blamed Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and like-minded aides. He said Cheney must have sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a nefarious bastard."

Snoopy Taylor: ambassador to Africa

Recently Snoopy Taylor went on an international mission to Africa.
She spead peace and glamor everywhere she went.

She asked to share some photos from her trip.

Great photos at a sucky club.

Recently I discovered that my digital camera can take some pretty cool over-exposed shots.
So on a night out on the town with my friends, after haveing my head shot taken by Nicole Hill (www.nicolephoto.com) I felt the need to get get artistic.

Anthony and Phaedra

The sad part about this story is.. the photos are not a very good interpretation of the level of fabulocity we were expeeriencing. The photos look like we are in one of the best clubs ever.. the reality is that the Upper East Side "Saloon" that we were at had plasma screens all over the place broadcasting footballs games, even directly over the dance floor. This club needs a few pointers.
We ended the night at another East Side club (I don't know why) where I completely harrassed the DJ with my strobe light-like flash. Immediately after this shot we exchanged insane dirty looks.

How dare he stifle an artist at work!!!

Two HILLs in Central Park

Yesterday I dragged out my friends Anthony Istrico and Matt Bonavita to go get some professional headshots done by an incredibly talented photographer.

They had never seen the photographer's work before.. and even though I had sent them Nicole's website (www. nicolephoto.com) they hadn't bothered to take a look. But its nice that they blindly trusted me enough to just go and get their photo taken after they had just gotten off of work at 5am from DJing the night before.

Upon entering Central Park and running towards Bethesda Fountain were we were supposed to meet Nicole, we had to stop and applaud a makeshift puppet show (photo 1). I cheap little boom box was playing HOTEL CALIFORNIA with the Lion as the narrator and the crazy looking yellow guy as the chorus. We couldn't stay to see the rest of the show.. but the 3 minutes we were able to catch.. GENIOUS!!

We finally met up with Nicole and of course I was thrilled that sister Natalie was there with her. We got into some heavy modeling and holy cow did they make us look like a bazillion dollars.

Natalie got into major supermodel mode and the camera LOVES her. (photos 2&3)

I'll post the final shots of Anthony, Matt and myself as soon as I get them.

God PLEASE Save America

Actors' Crafts - November 19

New York’s only fine art and craft fair featuring the work of theatre professionals ACTORS’ CRAFTS will take place Saturday, November 19th (10AM-6PM) in the gymnasium of the Holy Cross School (332 West 43rd Street / Between 8th & 9th Avenues). Produced by Josef Reiter, this event is made possible by the generous support of Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Admission is FREE!

The exhibiting artisans are a diverse group of theatre professionals made up of actors, singers, dancers, musicians, stage managers, and wardrobe personnel Not only do they act, sing, dance, play instruments, direct and choreograph, but in their spare time, they paint, photograph, sculpt, make clothing, purses and jewelry, and the list goes on and on. To learn more about the event and participating artists check out their website: www.actorcrafts.com

Snoopy Taylor's Halloween Odyssey

So I plan on catching up on all the blogs tonight, but first I needed to download some amazing photos of Halloween. Who's Snoopy Taylor? My drag alter-ego. Everyone knows that the best way to make up your porn star name or your drag name is to take the name of your pet and add the name of the street you grew up on and viola!! You have your new identity. Mine happens to be Snoopy Taylor. I love it!!

Anywhoo.. the story about Halloween night is an epic tale only for the strong of heart.

It started when I get a call from my friend Yuval David with an invitation to Patricia Fields' Halloween party at the location of her new flagship store on Bowery & Houston.

I got my hands on some cash and I had to go shopping. Snoopy definitely needed some critical items for her outfit.

1 - a new pair of pumps (she broke her last pair in Long Island on Friday)
2 - a new boa (her last one looked like it had an advanced case of the bird flu)
3 - some defrizzing spray for her wig
4 - white opera gloves (the black ones weren't cutting it)
5 - a purse to hold all of her crap

Along the way I found her more jewelry, a fabulous belt and some fake cigarettes to put in her fake cigarette holder.

The race was on.. With several meetings earlier in the day.. I was sure that the costume shops would be a mob scene by the time I got there.

When I did get everything together, I had about 1.5 hours before my gumbas from Staten Island were going to be in the city to go to the Patricia Fields party. I tipped the bartender at Roses Turn in the Wes Village to give me a drink and allow me to go upstairs to change in the cabaret room.

Needless to say.. with the extra time, the major costume upgrade and a full room to change in, Snoopy outdid herself.

When we finally arrived at the HOUSE OF FIELDS for the party.. they didn't have my name on the list.. but who had the balls to tell Snoopy Taylor that she wasn't allowed in. NOBODY!!

But the sad part is.. that within 1.5 seconds, I lost all of my gumba friends.. and I was left to navigate the room and fight for cocktails in painfully high heals.

Luckily I bumped into some other friends and quickly assimilated into their posse. But my wallet was in my friend's car.. so Snoopy had no money to get home. After many photos, celebrity sightings and miles in too high heals we were going to call it a night and I was going home to TriBeCa to sleep at Jeff's house.

When we got to TriBeCa I sat outside Jeff's apartment building for about 20 minutes while Yuval and the others went to pick up some Pakistani food. I sat there.. and then the sprinklers came on.. and that was the straw that broke the drag queen's back. Snoopy was FURIOUS!! Mad at the world she took off her shoes and started walking back to Greenwich Village (about 3 miles) in full drag, on her way back to Rose's Turn she could take off her damn costume and this nightmare.

A non-English speaking angel in the form of a taxi driver saved Snoopy's ass when he picked her up for free and drove her most of the way to the Village.

I got back in my clothes and then had to walk to the Staten Island Ferry with Snoopy in a huge backpack. I'm sure I still had eyeliner on.. and I'm sure that both amused and pissed off everyone on the Staten Island Ferry and everyone I encountered on my way back to my house.

When I finally did get home at 7am, I just collapsed on the bed, boots still on my feet.. and fell immediately asleep.

The next morning I was thinking how it could be that the previous night could be full of so much drama.. yet it was also one of the most fun, and definitely unique, evenings I'd had in years.

The world is waiting for Snoopy Taylor's return!!!

Snoopy Taylor in Long Beach

My Halloween started this year on Saturday, October 29. I was the only drag queen at a straight bar a LONG, LONG way from Manhattan. But we had fun.. and it was good training for the actual Halloween night in Manhattan where my friends and I would be attending Patricia Fields bash at her new location.

But this was good training. And I was able to spread joy, glammor and a little bit of horror to a bunch of Long Island rednecks.


Notice the crazy flyaway hair.. I was wondering at the end of the night if I was going to have to rename her "Sloppy Taylor" due to her untamed wig and her love of Rum and Cokes. We made sure this was corrected before Snoopy hit Manhattan.

Get your ass down from there!!

Yes. This is just filler because I've been too crazed to update my BLOG.
I've moved and been to several amazing parties.. abd I seriously need to get on here and catch y'all up to speed. Hopefully over the weekend.
Until then.. enjoy this ass. :)

The full support of the troops.. not!

The Whole World Was Watching -- Go Get It

Last night was the book launch party for Romaine Patterson's book, The World Was Watching. I've known Romaine for a little over a year now and had admired her on-air antics on the Derek and Romaine Show on Sirius Satellite Radio.

Though I knew I little of the history of how Romaine was one of Matthew Shepard's best friends, and how Christina Ricci had played her in the film version of The Laramie Project, I still had a lot to learn about this angel hearted lesbian with a mouth like a sailor yet a laugh of sunshine.

Romaine is an activist that anyone can love. And this is what I've learned from her in this book. Her style of peaceful activism that she created in the face of hate inspires me. I could hardly get through the introduction without getting a little choked up.

I look forward to finishing the book.
I encourage you to go get the book.
And I'm honored to know Romaine Patterson.

Yesterday - A Very Fellini Forrest

Scene One -- Morning

It is cold on the beanbag as I sleep.
It is 65 outside but yet my office is 45 and the air-conditioning is relentless.
I worked all night but need a hot shower.

Walking to the gym I pass St. Vincent's Hospital.
A man walks out of the emergency room and looks in the trash.
He pills out a juice bottle and taps it on the ground.

Holding it forward like a lance he returns into the emergency room looking very determined.
The first thing I imagine is that a hospital employee is about to get murdered.
I run in behind him screaming for people to look out, give them warning, alert the guard.

My screaming startles him and he turns the bottle upon himself cutting his hands and wrists.
Blood is flowing rapidly.
He holds his arms out straight to the left and right.

The guard is approaching, I back up out the door and depart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Scene Two -- Dusk

I am the first customer in the restaurant.
The drag queens are busy setting tables and getting into costume.
I order my first $2 frozen margarita.

Gusty Winds finishes applying her nails.
She leaves a thumb, pinky and middle finger nail plus a bottle of glue behind.
I apply them.

I take pleasure in scratching my scalp and scraping the frost off my drink.
But I bite them.
They fall off.

FIN

Welcome to Forrest's Golden Oldies

Sometimes when I'm walking through town or riding on the subway I'll think of some crazy ass incident from my life that makes me laugh out loud. (I also have moments when I remember some crazy assed, heinously stupid thing I've done, and I visibly cringe and shudder at the thought.. and maybe even let out an audible gasp.. but those are things I'm trying to forget, so I'm not going to create a journal of them.) This is a chance for a communal flashback, so that the next time you see me and I'm laughing giddily at nothing at all.. there's good reason.

So lets all get ready to travel back to August 1985.

I was in Marine Corps boot camp at Paris Island, SC.

I was in Third Battalion, supposedly the toughest because we were removed from the main part of the base so there wasn't as many eyes on the Drill Instructors, making sure that they weren't being too cruel to us.

We had four drill instructors and our Senior DI was a Gunnery Sergeant, and we were his very last platoon of recruits. He was supposed to have won all kinds of awards.. but for some reason he couldn't get our group to march together to save his life.

This pissed him off GREATLY… no I mean GREATLY.

Sometimes he would get so red in the face because the hillbillies in my group couldn't tell right from left and they kept running into each other.

He was relentless when they would screw up and send us to the "sand box" were we would have to do all kinds of exercises (sit ups, push ups, etc). This doesn't sound so bad until you understand that as you are flipping around ("On your back! On your stomach! On your Back! On your stomach!) sand is flying everywhere including down your pants, inside your shirt, in your hair, everywhere. In the hot, humid summer in South Carolina, its not a pleasant thing to march around the rest of the day with sand in your drawers.. without the ability to itch or scratch the sand fleas climbing in your ears or in your eyes.

I know.. not very funny.. but just wait.

One time we were marching and he is particularly upset and he is screaming in the face of some of these kids like a rabid bulldog.. and they are TERRIFIED. He is trying to lead these clueless wonders in drill until he just can't take any more. He's so red in the face and screaming he looks like he's going to burst a blood vessel at any moment. Then all the sudden.. he can't take any more and he screams at us to "GO GET IN THE SAND BOX - NOW!!!" and when they say now.. you don't really take your time. Its all out pandemonium whenever they tell you to do something, part of the "do what I say immediately and ask questions later" part of the training.

Well he and the other DIs are screaming and yapping at our heels, doing their best to scare the crap out of us, but what nobody realized was that there was a freshly laid sidewalk between where we were and the sand box. All I could hear upon my fast approach was PLOP, THFFFT, SQUILCH!! These kids had tried running across it and their feet sunk 8 or more inches into the cement.. and then with the force they were traveling, they fell face first into the gray matter.

I saw what was right in front of me and I did this huge award-winning NFL leap over the pile-up completely clearing the entire mess and when I looked back, I nearly burst out of my mind trying to hold the laughter in, although some of the guys didn't have the strength to hold it in.

Well needless to say, the Senior DI couldn't have been more displeased.

And the look on his face as he stood screaming at the gray spackled recruits, and seeing a 30 foot stretch of completely ruined sidewalk that had once been completely smooth, nearly sent him over the edge.

This makes me laugh out loud even today.

------------------------------------------------

PS -- Gunny (Senior DI) really was a hateful bastard. Not in the hateful way that DIs are supposed to be hateful.. I had plenty of special "attention" from quite a number of Drill Instructors. If there ever was a Drill Instructor who was a cry baby.. it was Gunny. I don't remember his name

As for my other DIs. I met one of them, Staff Sergeant Thompson, years later in Japan as he came into my office at Camp Shwab in Northern Okinawa. By that time I had been promoted several times and was only two ranks below him.. but I couldn't force myself to call him anything but "SIR." There are some people I will respect forever.

What a surprise.. not.

Officials: NYC Terror Plot Uncorroborated

You've been warned.. were you listening?

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
-- James Madison

'When the government fears the people it is a democracy....when the people fear their government it is tyranny...'
-- Thomas Jefferson

Those who give up essential liberties for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin

The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive.
– Thomas Jefferson

The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home.
– James Madison

The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders...tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.
– Herman Goering

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
– James Baldwin

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
– Voltaire

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
– William Ellery Channing

"If there be one principle more deeply written than any other in the mind of every American, it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest."
-- Thomas Jefferson

Criticism in a time of war is essential to the maintenance of any kind of democratic government.
– Sen. Robert Taft, (R) Ohio

Fascism will come wrapped in a flag and carrying a Bible.
-- Sinclair Lewis 1935

Getting a Little R&R

Yesterday was a day that I knew would end with some much needed R&R.

First meeting of the day - to pitch my company, City Hunt, to the senior marketing executives of Coca-Cola and Procter & Gamble to pitch our company's method of using scavenger hunts as a viable medium for marketing products. We had 14 three-minute meetings with 14 different executives. Many of them seemed to love the idea.. but what can you tell in 3 minutes?

Regardless, it was a very exciting opportunity and a great chance for us at City Hunt to hone a rapid-fire pitch for our product that gets results.

Next stop - the Spark Plug PR office (job 3 or 4) where I need to finish compiling my guest list for the opening of the new hot spot in the Meatpacking District, R&R (as in "rock and roll".. not relaxing vacation). Unbeknownst to me the subway has a heightened terror alert because Rove is about to go under questioning and I guess Bush needed to create another distraction.

R&R (416 West 14th Street between 9th and Washington) is a new rock and roll bar in the middle of the uber-trendy Meatpacking District. In the days before refrigerated semi-trucks, this was once a neighborhood of insulated warehouses that were used to chop up the cow or other barnyard animal carcasses and refrigerate or salt them before they went on sale across the city in the local delis and restaurants.

Over the last 15 years, starting just before 1990, this neighborhood has been transforming into one of the most chic destinations for shopping, dining and nightlife. The thick, insulated walls mean that clubs can play their music as loud as they want with no complaints from the local community board. The cobblestone streets, some of the few remaining places in New York City you can still find this, adds a little bit of charm. And the lofty ceiling heights and raw, expansive, industrial warehouse buildings lent themselves to be whatever the interior designers could dream up for them.

But now, in 2005, the area is just a bit TOO trendy. If you are not planning on buying a bottle of vodka (starting around $250) for table service, or if you don't know the door person, do even think about getting into one of these places. Even if you do get in, it doesn't guarantee that you'll be treated warmly.

So here is this raw rock and roll club opening up in an area where people are STARVING for something real. Needless to say, the response was sensational.

Almost all of my VIPs made it in (most of them showed up by 8:30, thank god). Though I did have one fashion designer call me from the line trying to get in saying that next time he will have his agent at William Morris call to make the reservation for him because he doesn't wait in lines any more. Listen honey, last night it wouldn't have helped.

Who showed up:

Adrienne Grenier (the star of HBO's Entourage) & his band the Honey Brothers, Brittny Gastineau, Kid Rock, Liv Tyler, Sean Lennon, Dean Winters, Rachel Hunter, Domino, Donna D’Cruz (rASa Music), DJ Coleman Feltes, Harold Hunter and DJ Strip.

Needless to say.. there were already calls that came in from William Morris booking these people.. and after 9pm if you weren't A-List, it would have been hard to get in at all. One of my guests went outside to make a phone call (R&R is actually underground so no cell reception) and then was not allowed to re-enter the club.

My heroic moment of the night was breaking into the nightclub office (its good to know that Barnes & Knoble membership cards are good for something besides that 10% discount) so that everyone could get there bags and go home when our event was done.

At the same time I was practicing my Oceans 11 burglery skills, Adrienne Grenier walks up behind me looking a little vexed. He needed paper. It looked like he was running out of time before the thoughts in his head would escape and he needed to write them down quickly. So I emptied the office printer of 1/4 ream of white peper, which was sure to be enough for his musings and it was the least I could do for the star of the evening.

The prospect of huge marketing contracts with interntaional corporations like Coke and P&G, celebrity parties, free drinks and yet another opportunity to invite my friends to a fun night out of historic proportions.

Yesterday, New York really DIDN'T suck.

NYC Cheep Thrill

Some of life best entertainment is free.

I keep forgetting how much fun it can be to watch country bumpkins drive in the city.

The look of terror on their face as they turn a corner and head the wrong way down a one-way street - with traffic coming right at them.

Still laughing here.

Quote from Natalie

"Don't ever be anti anything. Be pro something."

-- Natalie Hill (on an IM -- 8:52pm)